The Games that Play Us.

the awesomeness of the multi-awesome Monday night.The Black Eyed Peas (minus Fergie) came to spin at *drumrolls*....'The Forum'.yeah,the Forum at my uni. that evil place.

Forum is like Hatfield's little playground for the 18 and above.And Hatfield is a dead town.Why did Will.i.am,Apl.de.ap and Taboo chose to come and spin at the club,I have no idea.Like,seriously?If I'm a rockstar,I wouldnt want to spin in Hatfield!no offense though,I do love the Forum.

anyway,they came,they spinned,they Conquered.they played every genre of music;from RnB to Rock to DrumNbass to Rave to....you get the point.they were Massive.and we were dancing for 5 hours straight,without even sitting down.Dont ask me how,Red Bull just has that kind of effect on me.

Siti,Kunoor,Kangling,Shafiq,Nik and Fana;I had an awesomeeee time.maybe the awesomeness can stay a lot longer?;-)

After that night,I was practically drowning in my courseworks.Caffeine became my best friend yet again.I have to learn how to stop relying myself on it.Apparently, caffeine is a 'bitter, white chrystalline xanthine alkaloid that is a psychoactive stimulant drug'.wtf?!

Blame it on my courseworks and caffeine; now my sleeping time is screwed up.oh,who am i kindding anyway?it has always been a little off than the normal,sane people out there.

I had one too many of Red Bull on Friday night.Came home and my body started trembling.my hands were literally shaking inside.I felt like throwing up,my head started spinning,and I was talking a little faster than usual.Maybe because I was surrounded by two drunkards, the effect worsen.just a theory.you know I love the both of you.*wink wink*

'Always there where I need to be'.That's a complete bulls**t.

I'm not always there where I need to be.And I'm sorry.Like a chameleon, I am whatever I want to be.But that doesnt necessarily mean I've forgotten those i truly care about.Never.

so get this straight;I will never,Ever,run away from you,even if you ask me to.And I'm not staying just for the sake of Loyalty;I'm staying because I want to.there is no point in pushing me away,as I'll keep digging.

"And now we're all broken,

and now we're all alone,

and now we're all sad and small and not making much sense.

But you'll never get found if you dont get lost.

now we see through a glass darkly,but then we shall see face to face.

take a long hard look;

objects in mirror are closer than they appear."

-the Bitch Goddess Notebook,Martha O'Connor-

i watch the city sleeps every night.The road emptied itself,lamps flicker into darkness.Leaving me wide awake,watching every organisms shutting themselves down. Leaving me behind in the monumental silence.

Even if Life is a game and we play it by our own rules,sometimes,we couldnt help forgetting what exactly our rules are.Should we stop playing altogether?No.

Have faith,because the answers we've been looking for are hiding somewhere in the corner.and they will only come out and play till we set the next rules and move forward.and keep moving.

everything in Life is a game.there are some you can choose to play.But never choose the ones you know you'll end up losing.

"You left your home,

you're so far from everything you know

your big Dream is crushing down and out your door.

wake up and dream once more.

Come back;I'll help you stand."

-Come back when you can,Barcelona-

HappY 20th Atiqah Khairuddin;My Vice,My Chai.

Happy 20th Nadjlaa Zubri;My 'left-wing',My Chai.

Happy 20th Yang Ainoor;My Army,My Chai.

Happy 19th Taufiq Ibrahim;my 'Paramore',My baby Brother.

Reach for the stars;I'm always by your side.

meet me halfway.

a masochist still knows how to clean.or do laundry.or any kind of housework. i'm a masochist;not a Brat.


my apartment finally looks like an apartment (I'm giving it 2-3 days).house chores can be a lot of fun when you have a housemate as clueless as you are,and ready to experiment all sorts of things.like using a glass cleaner on a plastic cloth just so it smells good.Or vacuuming the carpet during nighttime. Who cares anyway?clearly not Me.


and my room feels very homey right now.the walls are covered with a big Beatles posters,Alex Turner,Arctic Monkeys,Manchester United,Nirvana,Radiohead,Chris Martin,Kurt Cobain,Andy Warhol's artwork,and of course,pictures of my C,besties,and family.
And mama and ayah?I don't need their faces on the wall.I can picture them as vivid as ever.



Last week was a total mess.I got tangled up with on/off fever,and a severe stomach cramp.And it didn't help when you have another coursework to pass up.minus 10.


My boys lost at Stamford Bridge.minus 10


My sempoernas were Gone.minus 10.


I'm broke.minus 50.


the Blues played like a bunch of pussies on their home ground. plus 10.



I'm going to start learning how to play Fifa 10,and show you bitches how it's Done!(I'm waiting for you,Shafiq sensei)



Have you ever had the same dream while you're asleep over and over again,and you fell in Love with the dream and refuses to wake up when the sun rises?And when reality checks in,the dream drifts apart,leaving you with such emptiness? what is it with dream,that make us forget the truth?Because truth is still absolute;even when it's hard and cold,and more painful than you can ever imagined. Even when the truth is cruel than any lies you've told.

i love.i miss.i am.i am.i am

"can you meet me halfway,right at the borderline?
that's where I'm gonna wait for you.
I'll be looking out; night and day
took my heart to the limit;
this is where I stay."

-Black Eyed Peas-

the Fire and the Thud

I have to keep this thing updated somehow, right? so here it goes then.

i had the most...confusing summer, ever.and please dont get me wrong.summer was a Blast, and if i could turn back time,i would.I had 2 birthday-suprises for my 20th.*wink*. Thanks to my psychotic siblings,Chai,Fazlee.And oh,a Birthday dinner at Laundry Bar with my C,my 'Paramore' and closest peeps.Now,whoever said you can only turned 20 Once?


with Joy came heartbreak.which was of course,a pain in the ass.My team lost to Barca in the Champions League Final in Rome -minus 10.And I ended up crying at Laundry Bar.macam bodoh kan?-minus 5.And Cristiano Ronaldo left and joined Real Madrid-minus 5.as Long as the traitor's happy,I'm half-happy.

And my 500 days of Summer continued with a week trip back to the UK and Michael Jackson's sudden death.MJ's dead for good?!

so summer was long and fun and exciting and euphoric.And it was also excruciating when it came to the part where I was left crippled with No money and No car.sweet mary jane huh?ever heard of a guardian angel?I had one,and it came in the form of my best friend,Sabreena Furzani Mohd Rafee. hahahaha....she was my cling of hope and survival; picking me up from home everyday during that week with just 50 bucks per-day in hand and paid for EVERYTHING that was needed for me to stay,well,alive i guess. food,ciggies,teh-tariks and karaoke.


love you endlessly bena.;-)


dahla,enough about summer.like I said,I had the most confusing yet exciting 500 days of summer Ever.


So now I'm back in Hatfield,this God-forsaken town.


1.Moved into a 2 bedroom apartment;

2.Has a dysfunctional-yet-amazing guy for a flatmate.Fiq,if you ever actually read my blog,you raaaawwwwkkk,I raaawwwkk,we Both Rawwwwkkkk.

3.The Forum;a new club under the administration of my Uni.evil place,good music.

4.Alternative nights-do you ever hear songs by Muse,Blink-182,System of a Down,Lost Prophets,Saosin, etc in a Club before?

5.Indie Nights-Arctic Monkeys,The Kooks.

6.Lectures and tutorials.-what's there to write about?They're boring as ever.



i miss mama and ayah.
i miss mama and ayah.
i miss mama and ayah.


"So that's how we live our lives. no matter how deep and fatal the loss, no matter how important the thing that's stolen from us-that's snatched right out of our hands, even if we are left completely changed with only the outer layer of skin from before, we continue to play our lives this way, in silence.We draw ever nearer to the end of our allotted span of time, bidding it farewell as it trails off behind. Repeating,often adroitly, the endless deeds of the everyday.Leaving behind a feeling of immeasurable emptiness."

-Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart-


[Humbug by Arctic Monkeys & The Resistance by Muse are Freaakishly awessooomeee!]


and I am still a little kid inside.So I dont have any of your answers.will the teasing of the fire be followed by the thud?