A Letter to God

Flaws; imperfection.

The heart that causes friction.

Perfection dreads beneath shredded reality,

tears fell;

they tell a story.

A wall was built circling the sacred room;

it used to ache

but now is broken.

Is this the price to pay?

Forgive me if I have sinned;

I have failed in giving you my purest devotion.

Wrap around your glorious paradise

I know you're listening,

Dear, Great One.

I've lost your guidance,

I fear the abandon.

Only you that pose an eternal sanity.

Tainted soul that bears the burden,

Reprieve the valleys I've walked into.

Restore every faith that got lost along the way.

You are the Forgiver, Merciful, and Compassionate,

The King with the complete dominion.

I am just a delicate Servant.

-eLina.

Problematique.

"i dreamt a dream tonight;that dreamers often lie."
-Romeo + Juliet-

talk to strangers and they can tell you exactly how you feel inside.you make that a habit,and you can't even talk to the people that really cares.talk a little longer,and silence turns into your best friend.

and you stop sharing altogether.

I cant talk anymore.I'm drowning in my own 'quiet' little world.i can feel my lips moving,but i cant hear a single thing I've said. not that they matter;I know all the words that came out weren't the ones I've been meaning to say.

If you can't decode your psychotic mind;if you wake up discovering that you have absolutely no idea of what Life is,then go and watch Fight Club.

i did,for countless of time.and i never get bored with it.

but if you are mentally and emotionally OK,i would advice Not To.cause you wouldn't appreciate the movie as much as i do.and you wouldn't understand it very well either.Fight Club is only appropriate for the descendants of the disturb intelligence. (in other words:a total Psycho)

i miss my C.i really do.come to me,cause I'll be there soon.you're my Love.Angel.Music.Babies.

"if you wake up at a different time,in a different place,could you wake up as a different person?"

"This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time. "

"Only after disaster can we be resurrected."

"Without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothing."

"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything. ."

"You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.."

-Fight Club-

p/s:one of my sayang wrote;what is the difference between want and need.let me summarize it for you.we Want boys;but we don't Need them.help much? ;-) you know you love me,B.

Obsession,Euphoria and United.

ever heard of the term 'obsession kills' , and find yourself thinking, 'screw that.nothing kills'. but then ever so often,you were proved wrong by none other than yourself?!

that's it.I'm officially losing my mind in this enigmatic obsession over 11 balls dangling on a great,big field,running around in sweats,trying to get a hold of ONE ball and push it into a net.common description of football to certain people


My description:11 skillful,talented and gorgeous boys on a field trying to find the perfect rhythm of a great teamwork; chasing not only a ball but the ball that defines their talents and passions;getting their mission done by kicking the ball into the net; hoping to create a history.


and that's Football for me.


i know.i AM obsessed.


yesterday was the quater-final of the champions league: Manchester Utd vs Porto FC. i was on the train to london,and i found myself dying.literally. i could not breathe;i was asphyxiating.my mind could only focus on the match that was about to start in 45 mins time.we drew 2-2 on home ground for the 1st leg,which gave Porto the advantage of having 2 away goals.and if they actually scored just One goal last night,champions league were a definite Over for the Devils.


i couldn't breathe, i couldn't focus,i couldn't speak without mumbling all my words up.i felt like a sick cat.

and sitting in a train with hundreds of Arsenal fans didn't help much either,when they were jovially confident and absolutely hyper.



why was i so anxious again?well,i tell you why.

i've lost:

1.sony ericsson handphone
2.stationery holder
3.countless days of sleepless nights
4.uncontrollable adrenaline rush
5.severe heartaches & headaches
6.my temper & patience;blowing them off to ppl that matters
7.pride
8.my voice (due to a massive amount of screaming)
9.heat & tiring arguments with fellow football fans
10.tears.

and i've lost all these,for my unhealthy obsession over the ever-great Manchester United.and football.so you could've guess why I felt that way.


but if my team wins?it's a feeling that i cant describe in words.something that only another football maniac would understands,and is secretly shared between me,he/she,and God.[i feel like i need to put God there since you need a little bit of luck in football.]



and watching the team that you despise so much,not able to pull their way into the semis?it's Euphoria.


so MU didnt win the title,Yet.whatever.we're picking our pieces back together.so tunggu je la.



and Liverpool?even if the Devils have not win the champs league yet;hey,at least we're through into the semis.You Didn't. so you can keep benitez with his cheap talks as long as you want,play as many attacking football as you like,praise 'torres and gerrard are the best partnership ever' as many time as you want,sing 'You'll never walk alone' as loud as you can.because the truth is;you're definitely not walking with MU,Barca,Ars and Chels in the semis.




{this entry is dedicated to the Greatest pundit in the world;my best friend,sister,and psycho-screamer.you're waaaaayyy better than shebby lah.you know who you are. ;-) }


{and to my annoying MU best friend, who can tell the difference between utd-Loyalty and unhealthy habit during crucial time, such as the quater finals.i think you know who you are too.hahahaha. }


{ and to all the unknown MU comrades over the world; United we stand. }

Manchester won after the remarkable 40 meters shot by Ronaldo.3-2 aggregate.if you dont know which one is he,seriously,where have you been hiding? yang handsome tu la.;-) next:Semifinals against Arsenal.missed the goal?check footytube.

"of all the things I've lost;I miss my mind the most."
-mark twain-